I always knew that coming all the way to Austin for college was going to be difficult. I wouldn't be able to get home as much as the other kids; I would have to adjust to the culture; I would have to get along without a support system.
I feel like I've done all that. I'm okay with the fact that I can't see my family every month or even every weekend. I've started saying y'all, so I'm pretty much a certified Texan. And I've made some really great friends. They're so good to me.
I just didn't realize how hard it would be to watch everyone stay so connected with their family and friends. Only a few girls in my class made it west of the Mississippi, but most of them went to California. Me, I'm in Texas, all by myself. I don't get to go home on the weekends like a lot of kids here. I don't have an aunt or an uncle I can go see and catch up with. I don't even have a family that can afford a flight home for Thanksgiving.
I love it here, don't get me wrong. I just didn't expect to have to grow up so fast. I don't see my family and friends every single day anymore. It's quite a rude awakening to know that after 18 years of support, you're cut off.
I wish I could go home for Thanksgiving, or at least fly to St. Louis to see my sister. Money's been tight though and I don't want to be selfish. I chose this life. My parents did enough to get me out here. The least I can do is tough it out for a few days in November. And besides, after that, it's only a few weeks until winter break which happens to start on my mom's birthday. It'll be great to celebrate with her. It'll be great to just be held by her and hear her call me "honey bunny" the way she does when she's poking fun at me. God, I miss that woman.
I miss home. I'll never really be whole while I'm away, but I'm starting to think that's true of Austin too. This is my city now, and although looking out over Lady Bird Lake isn't the same as the Potomac (or the Anacostia), it's getting to be familiar. It's getting to be like home.
Sincerely,
Mare
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